


Why did God forsake me?

by Jewelsqueen13



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Gen, RIP spencer, Songfic, Suicide, Suicide Notes, pretty crappy but ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-04 23:49:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18354263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jewelsqueen13/pseuds/Jewelsqueen13
Summary: An alternate interpretation of the fisher king I played with after watching. I suck at summaries.





	Why did God forsake me?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfic based on Si Deus me relinquit. I'll post a link to the english version:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkmzOJeqD2Y

_ If god has forsaken me _

“There’s actually no scientific data to prove that there is a ultimate religion.” Dr. Spencer Reid mumbled to himself as he saw the impaled body before setting into action. 

 

_ Then I shall Forsake god, too _

The doctor thought briefly back to his past, not enough to drag him into the memory as he continued offering input, but still thinking back to the fateful day. 

 

‘You see this Spencer, This is what’s wrong?’ His mother said. She was up out of bed and clutching the Bible she had found Spencer reading. ‘If this book was really true, your father would still be with us.’ And like so many others times, Spencer nodded along with his mother instead of telling her facts. He would always do what he could, to help her and his own sanity. 

 

_ Those who’ve been oppressed may hold _

 

“You alright pretty boy? Haven’t spat out a statistic yet.” Morgan said, bringing light to the entire team Reid's small memory fixation. He nodded, trying to ignore how much their nicknames stung. After all, he had taken a massive risk working for the BAU, and when the others belittle him it stung more than words ever should.

 

_ A black key _

 

Staring at the key in his hands, Spencer wondered briefly why this was focused on him. After all, he wasn’t important to anyone except his mother. His- the gasp was out of his mouth before he could stop it, and the team looked at him. “Garcia,” He said as soon as Penelope picked up the phone, “I need you to find a patient of the sanatorium my mother is at”’ he dropped his voice for that part before going back to  regular volume. “And find burn victims.” He ended the call, refusing to talk to anyone for the rest of the night. 

 

_ All the doors I close to thee _

 

The next day, only Ried was allowed to continue the case and talk to the unsub. It wasn’t the best scenario, but Spencer knew it was to alienate him, and he eagerly took the bait. 

 

_ Therefore seal the prayers of me _

 

Spencer had fallen asleep on paperwork when he remembered someone telling him. ‘It’s the FBI, we all have our suicide notes.’ He woke up slightly, just enough to write a small suicide note and stowing it away, intending it to never be used but just in case all the hopes he had for the future and his, well, prayers. 

 

_ However, who will protect me? _

 

He was alone, completely alone. With nothing else to  to contact as he had spotted the bomb. And the worst part is, all the crew had left him. No one really cared, they just wanted to save themselves and the victim. 

 

_ Myself _

 

He was drowning suddenly, falling under the weight of the crushing loneliness that was knowing his only friends could leave so easily.he was really all alone, not having anyone to trust. 

 

_ All the doors I close to thee _

 

As soon as he could, Morgan was rushing back into the house, careful not to make any sudden movements and cause the unsub to know he was there. 

 

_ Therefore, seal the prayers of me _

 

He knew it was true, but hearing the Unsub confess he couldn’t forgive struck a nerve in Morgan. He felt uncomfortable, confused, and he knew he was playing the hero but for now he just wanted to hold Reid close and tell him everything was okay. As a friend, of course. 

 

_ In my hands _

 

And then Spencer saw him. He told the unsub to shut his eyes for a moment, and he did. Spence mouthed at Morgan to go with a sad smile. “I’m so close to finishing this, just another minute.” Morgan reluctantly agreed, and left. 

 

_ The cold black key _

 

Then Spencer was holding up the key and trying to explain it, but it wasn’t good enough, nothing was good enough. 

 

_ Doom, I cause myself _

 

**_ Boom _ **

  
  
  


In the days that followed Spencer’s death, there was a tearful, and somewhat angered, grieving period. Morgan blamed himself for a day, but the team assured him it wasn’t his fault, and he had to believe that. And then he found the suicide note, three simple words written on it. 

  
‘ _ I’m so sorry.’ _


End file.
